How to deal with being Dumped
When you strip away the raw emotion, what’s left after being dumped, is rejection in its simplest form. Pure, basic hurt and rejection. There’s no denying it can be painful and a shock to the system, but it’s most definitely not the end of the world. In fact one day you will be able to look back and realise it was a blessing in disguise – whether finding that perspective takes weeks, months or years – I promise you will get there. Just ask anyone whose ever experienced heartbreak. Does it hurt? Yes. Does it heal? Also yes.
Feel all the feelings
It’s hard to put into words the physical and emotional rollercoaster you experience after being dumped. Feeling heartbroken and rejected can feel so physically painful at times you wonder if you will ever eat or sleep again and end up googling how long it takes to stop crying. Or if you can die from heartbreak. Let yourself feel all the feelings – the good, the bad and the ugly. Although it doesn’t feel like it at times, you are in control of your thoughts and feelings, and if you need to weep for a while – then you need to weep for a while. This is a perfectly acceptable time to drink wine in the bath and batch cook waffles for breakfast. At the risk of being incredible cliché, be kind to yourself. Take your time. The last thing you need is to put extra pressure on yourself, and always remember that there’s no right or wrong way to heal. Don’t get off the rollercoaster until you’re ready.
Take care of yourself
Once you’ve been through the initial shock and hurt, the time will come to pick yourself up and get your sh*t together. The longer you wallow, the more time you waste on someone or something that doesn’t deserve your energy. Eating ice cream for breakfast while stalking their Instagram is not the one. It’s time to make yourself your own priority, and remember who the f*ck you were before this happened. Do whatever you have to do to pick yourself up again. If you’re struggling to do this alone, then ask for help. There’s a whole world out there catering for broken hearts; acupuncture, hypnotherapy, talking therapy, HIIT classes, books, podcasts etc. Call your mates. Make fun plans. Book activities with your girls. Do not get a funky new haircut.
Enforce Boundaries
At first, the rejection can feel so all-consuming and overwhelming it is literally all you can think about, and as a result, it’s all you want to talk about. First of all, you are so much more than your relationship status. Secondly, you survived before them, and you will absolutely thrive after them. Your friends (might) want to tear them apart, shame their behaviour and tell you they never liked him/her in the first place. This is amazingly unhelpful, and only adds fuel to the fire. Despite coming from a good place, this anger and frustration on your behalf will only make you feel worse in the long run and delay the healing process. Be selective about who you confide in, and remember everyone has their own perspective. Now is not the time have someone project their fears about being single on you, or to tell you how bleak the dating pool is. Keep your boundaries tight, don’t jump on the ‘I never liked them anyway’ bandwagon and remember who you were before you met them.
Use your Tools
What makes you feel happy? What excites you? What keeps you calm? What do you actually need right now? I always advise people to keep a list of all the things/people/activities that bring joy, so that it can be referred back to in times of need. This is your time of need. The list can contain anything from going for a peaceful walk without your phone to watching your favourite film or calling your mum. Small, simple things that feel entirely manageable.
It’s not actually about you
It’s incredibly cliché, and it’s incredibly hard to believe when you’re in the thick of it, but it’s really not about you. Whatever their reason for dumping you, it’s likely they have their own stuff going on and just because they don’t see you as a part of their life in the foreseeable – it doesn’t mean that you are broken. Or ugly. Or un-loveable. Or any of the horrible things you are probably telling yourself. So with this in mind, don’t make any drastic changes that you are almost definitely going to regret in a months’ time. Losing weight and getting a funky bob are not the answers. You are perfectly imperfect as you are, this person just wasn’t for you. Your world hasn’t ended, it has changed, and with that realisation opens up a whole new world of possibilities. Out with the old, in with the new.
Block, delete and move on.
This is so crucial if you want to have any chance of getting over them, or at least starting the process. If blocking and deleting feels too drastic, then mute, unfollow or restrict their access to you. Cold turkey is the only approach I advise (unless there are kids involved or its not logistically possible). The last thing you need is to be watching their every more on insta stories, job updates on linkedin or interactions with their great Aunt on facebook. Out of sight, out of mind, you owe it to yourself to protect your energy and watch what you consume. It also feels good to take some of the power back and know that you do have some control over what happens next. Being dumped doesn’t define you, and the quicker you stop making that your ‘story’, the better.
When all’s said and done, they have done you a favour. Being dumped can be hurtful, but it’s often for the best – and it’s better now than 5 years down the line. When you feel ready, pick yourself up, be thankful for the good times you had, and know that the best is yet to come.