Lets Talk: Money
What’s the one thing we feel we can’t talk about, but also can’t live without? Money. It can often feel like this big dirty secret, wrapped up in discomfort, shame, fear and guilt – but it absolutely shouldn’t, and doesn’t have to be this way. We need it, we rely on it and we can’t simply live without it – so it’s time to embrace the fear. Being able to have open, honest conversations around finance opens up opportunity, assurance and safety in the knowledge that you and your partner are on the same page. If you are ready to buy a house with your partner – you are absolutely ready to have the conversations surrounding it. Let me tell you how:
Acknowledge that the discomfort you probably feel is emotional, not logical. Once you have removed your feelings from the topic, you open up the opportunity to have honest, open and frank discussions. If you feel there’s something you would like to discuss with your partner – whether it be mortgage payments, sharing finances or future investments, then it can help to set aside some time to have the conversation – distraction free. Know what it is you want to discuss, and let your partner know in advance so they can come prepared, and not feel ambushed. During your time, make sure you know exactly what it is you want to say, and what you feel comfortable with. Know your boundaries – in this case have your figures prepared – and have an idea of what outcome you would like. The more prepared you both feel for the conversation, and the more knowledgeable you are about how much you earn, what your outgoings are, spending patterns, how much you want to save etc. the easier the conversation will be.
Some people find money matters incredibly overwhelming, confusing and stressful – which can be the main motivator for avoiding the whole topic in the first place. It’s important to approach the subject with your partner with no judgement or shame them into thinking they have been doing things wrong or not looking after their finances correctly. If you feel your partner becoming defensive, it’s most likely from fear, so tread gently and don’t push them. We all have different values and ambitions when it comes to finance, and sharing these with each other should be no different to your personal values. Every relationship is different, so all that matters is that you find an arrangement that works for you both. Try and stay clear of worrying about what your friends do with their finances, or pressures around who earns more. There is no such thing as ‘normal’, or ‘right’ – so stay in your own lane and carve out an arrangement that suits you both.
Once you start to have these conversations, talking about money begins to feel natural and any discomfort dissipates. Aligning your financial goals leads to better financial outcomes and a more secure arrangement for you both. The sooner you understand each other’s financial situations and hopes for the future, the better. Preparation is key, and will limit any misunderstandings later down the line.
en mute, unfollow or restrict their access to you. Cold turkey is the only approach I advise (unless there are kids involved or its not logistically possible). The last thing you need is to be watching their every more on insta stories, job updates on linkedin or interactions with their great Aunt on facebook. Out of sight, out of mind, you owe it to yourself to protect your energy and watch what you consume. It also feels good to take some of the power back and know that you do have some control over what happens next. Being dumped doesn’t define you, and the quicker you stop making that your ‘story’, the better.